How to Really Be Sexy in Lingerie

I remember my first, and last, lingerie party with one of the largest acceptable sex shop outlets. A friend of a friend (isn't it always the way), was working for them, and a large gaggle of girls congregated at someone's house to giggle over vibrators and try on sexy corsets.

It was the games which annoyed me. I remember one which involved holding a piece of paper on your head, and trying to draw a penis onto a man. I may be prejudiced as I've always hated party games, but this seemed so juvenile, and the antithesis to being grown-up and buying sexy lingerie.

Only such events are never about maturity. My excuse for even having been to one of these parties was I was sixteen at the time. I can't imagine going to one if you're not a teenager, but I know lots of women do. Maybe they're supposed to be liberating, but sniggering over strap-ons is not liberating.

I could possibly have forgiven all of this had the underwear I ordered (yes I know - but after a few drinks everyone felt obliged) was of a decent quality. However, it wasn't, and it fell apart very quickly, and was made out of horrible materials.

Decent materials is in fact one of the most important keys to decent lingerie. It is one of the reasons why I never buy lingerie online (the other reason being I'm a size 16, and it is impossible to know what will actually look good on a website). Even if an item is described as one hundred percent silk, doesn't account for what the lace is made out of, what quality of elastic is used.

One of the keys to feeling, and looking sexy, is feeling comfortable. Unless you are a very good actress, you will never look good unless you feel good. Wearing sexy lingerie is a very tactile experience, both for the wearer and whoever you may want to share said lingerie with. Polyester is not sexy, however nice it may look, because it feels like cardboard.

I would never go to one of these parties again. Not only do I feel too old, I don't see the point. Even if one of my best female friends decided to become a representative, I would not go. I am too old to be embarrassed into playing games, and I don't find sexual aids funny. Fun, yes, but something practical, not something to giggle over.

Sexy is very different to smut. All these kind of parties do is reduce something beautiful into something seedy. Women's liberation has meant we are now allowed to talk about, and enjoy sex. However, it doesn't mean we need to be reduced to the mentality of fourteen year old boys. It should mean we are able to derive pleasure from the beautiful, tactile, sexy experience wearing good quality lingerie can evoke. Good lingerie is about feeling good about ourselves as women, and we should not denigrate this experience.